The Real Reason Change Is Hard

I’ve noticed my work has changed a lot over the years. What started as straight past life regression has become something more psychological and spiritual at the same time. I guess that happens when you study enough Jung and spend enough hours sitting with people’s inner worlds. You start to see that we are not one thing. We are this whole collection of parts and moods and tiny voices bumping into each other throughout the day.

Parts therapy really opened that up for me. It frames you not as a single unified person but as a whole cast of characters. Archetypes. Ego states. Whatever you want to call them. There is the part of you that wants to relax and watch Netflix. There is the part that wants to grind and provide and push forward. There is the kid version of you with old needs still whispering in the background. There are the fearful parts, the joyful parts, the ones who love certain hobbies, the analytical one who never shuts up, the spiritual one who suddenly wakes up during meditation. Psychology says we have ten or fifteen of these active at any moment. Honestly, some days it feels like more.

The strange thing is we slip in and out of these parts without even noticing. One minute you feel calm and grounded and then something triggers a memory and you shift into a younger you. Or you are working hard and suddenly the lazy part taps you on the shoulder asking to escape. These parts take over like tiny personas. You become them. You forget there is a bigger you watching from the outside.

The whole point is learning to find that witness. The quiet observer. Jung talked about it. The Buddha talked about it. This calm noticing that says here comes the anxious part or here comes the inner child or here comes the part of me that wants to hide from life. When you can see these parts instead of becoming them, everything changes. You can actually talk to them. You can ask why they showed up and whether they need something or whether this is not the right moment for them to be driving the ship.

Sometimes this looks like negotiation. Say you are working and the part that wants Netflix shows up. Do you shut it down or do you say I hear you and yes that sounds nice, but not right now. Saturday night is yours. Or the other way around. If you are avoiding your purpose and lounging all day, the productive part is going to knock and tell you to get up. If you ignore it, you end up sitting in guilt for the rest of the evening. No one wins.

Something that has helped me is imagining myself as the inner captain or manager or CEO. If your life is a company, you probably have a bunch of old employees running around doing whatever they want because the boss was never really trained. So you bring in a new CEO. You choose who you want to be. You build that person consciously.

Physically you ask who am I trying to become. Am I someone who moves my body and eats well and sleeps well. Mentally you ask how do I show up. Calm. Sharp. Purposeful. Emotionally you look at how you speak to yourself and to other people. Spiritually you ask what kind of grounding or guidance you want to embody. That becomes the main avatar, the central part that leads the others.

And then you act as if you already are that person. You let that version of you pilot the entire structure.

The tricky part is when the old habits come up. You ever try to work out for two days and then the tired or lazy part pops up and says not today. Or the part that wants to numb out with alcohol or food or whatever your escape hatch is. These parts are not bad. They are usually trying to protect something. Fear. Shame. Exhaustion. But if your inner CEO has not been chosen with intention, the saboteur parts jump in and take over.

One thing I do is bring in inner resources. For me it is guides. A protector. A healer. A wise presence. Are these imaginary or are they actual aspects of me. I do not know. I do know they help. I imagine them as this royal guard beside me. Advisors. Counselors. And when the old pattern tries to pull me off track, it has to get through them first. It is a strange exercise, but it works. It gives you a sense of authority.

Another approach is simply witnessing the emotion without feeding it. Most emotional waves fade after about ninety seconds to two minutes. It is when we argue with them or indulge them that they stick. So when the urge to drink comes up for example, it helps to name the part behind it. It is not the alcoholic. It is the part escaping something. You call it what it is and let it pass through.

The big takeaway here is that you can relate to your emotional states like separate people. You can talk to them, negotiate with them, comfort them, or send them to the corner. When the part of me wants Netflix while I need to work, I say I get it, I really do, but let us handle the task at hand and I promise we will watch something later. And then I actually follow through. That keeps the whole inner team in alignment. No mutiny.

Once you have your vision, your purpose, your ideal self chosen and embodied, even the lower parts begin to respect it. They know who is leading. It is only when you are unclear that they try to run the show.

And if you want to go even deeper, there are times when these parts are not from this life at all. Sometimes they are past life residues that flare up and create emotional static. Those require a different kind of work, a kind of inner archaeology that I guide people through.

So if it has been a while since you have seen me, or if this is your first time stumbling across my work and you want to explore your inner world, this is the kind of direction things have been heading. A blend of psychology, spirituality, imagination, and honest self inquiry.

A whole inner team waiting to be understood.